2003-01-10 - 5:30 p.m.
I'm about to run off and get drunk but I wanted to add something here that has been buzzing around in my head.
Ok, so, there is a set of imagery for the process of self-improvement that consists of seeing parts of yourself as stuck. Stuck on one moment in time and still thinking that the situation that existed in that moment of time continues and will always continue ... thus you will behave as you did then to similar circumstances. Your task is to convince that part of you that time has moved on and so should it. As that part has moves on, grows up, heals, forgives, whatever, you can begin to learn new patterns of behavior. Voila! You are growing! It's a pretty good system, all in all.
But my question is this: if I spend all of my time memorizing things and trying to keep hold of precious memories with an iron grip aren't I just snagging myself on the past? Remembering something fondly is one thing ... trying to capture the happiness of the moment and keep it perfectly preserved in a glass bubble is another. Aren't I attatching myself to things that will only weigh me down? I work very hard to try and get over my past but I hook myself to it all the same. And I do so in the name of affection, or talent. Maybe it isn't such a great thing to remember everything always. Maybe I could let go a little. Maybe I'll start right now.
Wait, what was I doing?
M
