2003-02-14 - 7:14 a.m.
I had a bad dream last night.
Tom had a brain tumor
they had removed it by using a needle to blow it up (there's a Stephen King story where this happens).
The procedure had totally changed his personality, even his face. His eyes went blue, his face went narrow, and his hair looked different. He lost his subvertive quality, he wasn't interested in movies anymore (even to be critical).
I was outside a restaurant where I was going to meet him and Carrie.
I saw another friend of mine and asked him to come in and verify something for me. I wanted him to look at Tom and tell me if he saw the diffrenece. "because, I swear, it's like Gollum stole his face"
I began describing Tom's face to him and I realized that this procedure had stolen my friend from me. The person I could talk to, the person i could count on, the person that was interesting enough for me to be interested in ... was gone. And he'd never "get better". That person was never coming back.
We went into the restaurant and said hi. My friend looked horrified at the change in Tom and nodded to me.
Carrie and I were going off to do something so we said goodbye to Tom and their kid (who was about 6 in the dream). Tom hugged me and I gave him an obligatory squeeze and tap. He tried to really hug me and noticed that I pulled away. It seemed that was his first inkling that something was wrong with him. That this was not the personality he'd always had, eventhough Carrie was working with him to help him remember his other life.
Carrie and I went to a theatre and went backstage. As we walked up I was trying to explain to her that I missed the old Tom. I said that I had been considering getting involved with him again after the operation but now ... he's just not there. She didn't seem to quite understand either. But she did seem upset that I no longer liked Tom. I kept trying to explain but the more I thought about the difference between Tom before and Tom after the more upset I got. Finally I just started crying and said "I miss him, I miss my friend"
Then the alarm went off
